It's Not Goodbye, It's Au Revoir

Dear Readers,

Everybody knows that saying goodbye can be one of the hardest things one ever has to do. There are so many people who have touched me during my stay in Benin and have changed my life. Firstly the professor, Tamegnon, who has been one of the kindest people I have ever known and who has become a person who I will always stay friends with. When we were saying goodbye he had tears in his eyes. He told me that he has never met anyone like me and that from me he has learned that he wants to and can do go farther in life and use his full potential. He told me he never thought he could learn from a young person like he did from me. He told me that he knows I will go on in life to do great things, he thinks I should be a diplomat. He said the kindest things to me and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet him, talk to him and learn so much from him. I will miss him terribly. Secondly, Brownie. Her heart is so good and her mind is so wise. Anyone would miss her stories, her kindness, and her overall presence. I am so happy and grateful that I had the chance to meet her and get to know her. She made my trip that much better. Saying goodbye to her was extremely difficult, especially because two days before my departure she fell ill and had to go to the hospital and I had to say goodbye to her in the hospital. I hope and pray that she gets better soon and I hope she knows that I will be thinking of her and missing her so much. Thirdly, the director of the orphanage, Serge, and his wife who have both been so kind and so grateful for what I have been able to accomplish and help with at the orphanage. On Friday Monsieur Serge had a lunch that celebrated his sons birthday, baby Alexandre's second birthday, and a goodbye lunch for me. All the children, the director and his wife, their children, and the new volunteer, Edith, were there. We had rice with a tomato and onion sauce with piment and rabbit. Okay I know a lot of you are thinking, "You ate rabbit!?" and It's actually funny because I remember I had a conversation with Matt, the volunteer who was here when I first arrived, about how I would never eat rabbit. Never say never right? Now, 8 weeks later, I'm writing to you about how I ate rabbit and actually enjoyed it.  Being here has taught me to embrace the place I am in and experience everything to the fullest. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do!" It doesn't mean I have to like everything but at least I can say I tried, and in this case, I did like it! Plus, rabbit is a common dish in many parts of the world! Anyway the lunch was so nice and I'm really happy to be able to say that I formed a really decent relationship with the director. I know that my work and help for the orphanage will not stop after this trip, pas de tout. I will always continue raising money or even setting up an organization no matter where I am. The future has a lot in store and going to Barnard next year gives me a huge amount of opportunity to continue my work and possibly even expand to other orphanages in other places. Already my old high school, Dubai American Academy, has kindly raised money while I was in Benin, without me even knowing, which I will send to the orphanage once I am back in Dubai. 

Fourthly, I will miss the people I have met around Ouidah. One elderly man in particular, whom I pass everyday on my way home from the orphanage. He always asked me how my day was and "Tu a fait un peu?" which literally means have you done a little? which really means have you had a productive day? I sometimes stop to talk to him and I told him about how I live in Dubai and that I am working at the orphanage for 2 months. He asked me for my address and he gave me his. He later told me how much he loved seeing me wear the African dress and that it was so beautiful. He asked if I could give him a picture of me wearing it so that he can always remember the kind white girl who walked by him every single day.  We also exchanged phone numbers and told me to call him if I ever came back to Benin (which I know now is something that has to happen) so that he can take me around different places in Benin. He told me to bring my mom the next time I come so that he can meet her and show me and her the North of Benin which is more mountainous and desert like, (a bit like home for me). People like him made me feel at home in Ouidah. I got to know so many people on the way to the orphanage; the kind old lady who always sits outside her shop and has a smile that could light up the darkest room, the nice plump lady who sells me tomatoes, onions, and avocados. The small lady with 5 children who has the ripest, most delicious pineapples I have ever eaten, and the list goes on. I will miss all of these people who made living here feel familiar and safe, like I belong. The people you meet on a trip like this makes all the difference. I was telling Edith about the first time I walked to the orphanage when the crowded, crazy Marche Kpasse was open and how horrible I felt because everyone treated me like I was a complete alien. They yelled things at me, called me "Yovo," told me to come, hissed, made kissing noises, and stared at me. I think the combination of being white and being a young girl made it that much worse. I'm sure an older man wouldn't have had the same experience. Ah! it was horrible! But by the end, everyone had gotten used to seeing me, and many even knew me by name. Yes i still got the occasional "Yovo", but it wasn't nearly as intense as it was 8 weeks ago. I wish that seeing white people was more of a norm in Ouidah, but it is a small town that really doesn't get too many foreign vacationers… I've seen a total of about 5 white people in the last two months, and I've caught myself staring at them the same way people stare at me, so I understand. 

On Friday Edith and I cooked together. Well, really she cooked and I helped her. We made Eba (which is similar to pate but made from cassava instead of maize), okra sauce with spinach leaves, piment, palm oil, and onions. It was delicious. She is from Nigeria so she is already accustomed to the way life is here. She knows the food and she doesn't stand out the way a 'Yovo' like me does. She doesn't speak French though, so I help her with that, but she has lessons everyday like how I had with the wonderful professor Tamegnon, and soon enough she'll be able to speak like how I can now. She is very nice and I love hearing about her life in Nigeria. She speaks pigeon English as well as normal English which is really simplified English where the sentences are in different orders. It's hard to understand but its a legitimate language that people speak in Nigera. Her father even wrote a book about it. The only other country she's been to is the UAE, Dubai! I couldn't believe the coincidence. We already have so much in common and yet we are from completely different worlds. She's from the South of Nigeria and I told her that my stepdad is from the Igbo tribe in the East and she told me so many jokes about the Igbo people that I cant wait to make fun of him about :) hahah! I'm glad I had the chance to meet her, even though it was only for a short while. Everyone I meet and get to know here makes my trip more interesting and illuminating. 

Last and most definitely not least, the children. AH I wish I had the words to describe how much these children mean to me. I love them like they were my own. If I was 10 years older I would adopt every single one of them. They are beautiful and amazing and leaving them has tore me apart. This is why I know that I will be coming back here one day without a doubt. My stepdad travels to his country, Nigeria, frequently and it is, fortunately,  next door to Benin. Coming here again is not only possible, its guaranteed. These children have touched my heart in a way that nobody ever has before. The other day the director was telling the children how Saturday is my last day with them and I burst into tears. I couldn't help it. And on Saturday I felt a pain that I have never experienced before. I was with the children all day from early morning to late evening and as hard as I tried not to, I had tears in my eyes the entire day. When the time came to finally say goodbye the children started to sing to me and I broke down. Eventually the singing became cries of sorrow and everyone was sobbing. The director told me that I mean so much to the kids. He told me that they are used to people coming for 2-3 weeks, but me being there every single day for two months has made us SO attached to each other. There was one girl who was cold and indifferent to me in the beginning, but by the end she was one of the ones who were crying the hardest. They were all kissing me and holding on to me. Ah, writing about this devastating day is bringing me to tears. I wish I could better describe the emotion and the intensity that I felt that day. By the time I left the orphanage it was dark outside and three of the older boys came with me to walk me home. One of them told me that it was the first time ever that every single child cried when a volunteer left. I was touched to know that these children may love me as much as I adore them. They are in my heart forever, they are my family, and thats why returning is a must, because not returning would be like asking someone never to see their family again. 

This trip is by far the most amazing experience of my life. I have grown up so much being in Benin. Although there were many difficult times, there were even more rewarding times. I know now that I can be completely self sufficient and that I can survive and pull myself through the most extreme of circumstances. Edith told me that she was shocked that I was in Benin for 2 months, part of the time completely alone, and that I am only 18 years old. She is 27 so to her I'm still a kid. But being in Benin has really made me transform from an adolescent to an adult. As corny as that sounds, I have learned life lessons here that many learn much much later in life and some not even at all. I see how fortunate I am to have everything that I do have; countless opportunities, a future, and a loving family. I have learned to appreciate things that previously I wouldn't have given a second thought. My heart is full with life and love because of the people I have met and grown to love. This trip will be something that will stay in my heart forever because in undergoing this journey I have learned the true meaning of sacrifice and self realization.  Without a doubt, being in Benin was the most astounding, amazing, unbelievable, stunning, and incredible experience in my life. 

I wanted to give a final thanks to everyone who has helped my fundraiser and who has made the things I have done for the children possible. I also want to thank everyone who has been reading my blog and supporting me throughout my journey. My blog is a just a summary of everything I have experienced and felt but I am glad that it has given me the opportunity to communicate this wonderful experience to people who would have otherwise not known about it. 

I love you Benin, my home away from home. ♥ 

 The Charming School Brownie teaches English at 

  

Edith eating the meal we made

Me making Eba

♥

Benin I Love You, In Sickness And In Health

Bonsoir Tout Le Monde!

In undertaking a trip like this one always runs the risk of getting ill and unfortunately last Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I was feeling miserable with the coming and going of horrible headaches, fever, and nausea. I went to the doctor to check if I had malaria and thankfully the results read negative. The doctor told me that, ironically, the medicine I take to fight malaria (Mephaquin) has side effects like the ones I was displaying. She told me to just rest and continue taking the medicine because with prolonged use the side effects go away. I find it odd that I am experiencing side effects now because I have already been taking the medicine for over 7 weeks, but I definitely prefer having moderate side effects to being sick with malaria. I am so thankful it wasn't anything worse and that I am feeling 100% better now. The care and kindness that I received while I was sick is what made me feel better. Roukeya came and made sure I had food to eat, my professor invited me for lunch and gave me a special bottle of homemade ginger juice that he claims "will cure any sickness", and Brownie called me and accompanied me to the doctors. I definitely feel that people here genuinely care about me and I am so grateful to have people here that are here for me when I need it most. 

Brownie kindly invited me to live with her this week so that I don't have to battle another week alone. It is such a nice change of pace, I have to walk quite a bit more to get to the orphanage but I am happy to do so. I love walking around here because I always get to experience new and crazy things. I love coming home and having someone to talk to about my day and someone to answer the questions that tend to build up as I notice and experience new things.  It's also nice having proper food to eat when I get home! Brownie has two girls, Mauwena and Claudette, whom she supports and cares for. They are both very nice  and coincidentally really good cooks! lucky me!  Mauwena is 21 and Claudette is 18, however, they are both still in high school. There are people here who graduate high school up to the age of 26! It is because a lot of the time they leave school for a few years or they don't pass a certain year and have to repeat. They start school a few years later here as well. It's also common for there to be 60 to 70 children in one class. There aren't enough teachers and so concentration and focus is lacking, as I  experienced when I ineptly taught a class on my second week here.  I just wouldn't be able to imagine having to sit in a class with 70 other kids or still attend high school when I'm in my  mid twenties! Because going to school here is considered a privilege, children are so happy and appreciative to go to school. It's not like in America or Europe where people dread going to school and come up with any excuse they can think of to not go. I was like that once wishing for "rain" days in Dubai or faking sick like all of us do to get out of taking a quiz or handing in an assignment (hopefully none of my high school teachers are reading this! hhaah), but I really see how bad it is to take something as important as education for granted when without it people don't get as far in life. I am so grateful for the schools I was able to attend and the education that I have received and will continue to receive at the wonderful Barnard College. Seeing how so many here don't finish high school, let alone continue on to University, because they can't not because they don't want to, makes me unbelievably grateful that I have the chance to go to University and particularly to one as esteemed as Barnard. I, and people like me, are extremely fortunate and we should remind ourselves on days that we are feeling lazy and sick of school what a privilege it is and how grateful people who don't have this sort of education would be if they did. 

Since I have been living with Brownie, I have been accompanying her on her daily 1 hour walks that help reduce the swelling in her ankles that, along with a lot of other things, comes with old age. I have walked with her through such beautiful parts of Ouidah that I would have never seen otherwise. The nature is astounding. The tropical climate here is a haven for palm trees that hold coconuts, bananas  and pineapples, mango trees, and in general plants and flowers of a huge variety of shapes, colours, and odors. I have seen the wildest looking insects here, huge caterpillars that have yellow spikes and red spots, lizards that are striped every colour of the rainbow, and I even saw a monkey sitting on a wall eating a delicious mango that are gloriously abundant here. 

Along with the beautiful scenery, I love talking to Brownie. I love to pick her brain about all of her incredible experiences, which seem infinite. She is writing an autobiography called Anecdotes of a Life and she gave me the first draft. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing I feel to have even a snippet of her life to marvel about. I finished reading the draft in 30 minutes. It's not very long and its far from completion as she has told me numerous times, but it was really amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed reading every single story and experience. Her first draft is something I will keep forever and I am hopeful that she will finish it one day. 

I've become so comfortable at the orphanage, I know all the names of the children and I know things about each one. I feel like I belong when I am there because they really treat me like a sister. They aren't shy anymore, they high five me or run up to me and I love playing with them, running around, coloring, helping them prepare meals (which has forced me to learn a bit about African cooking.) I love to watch them interact with each other, look over their lessons, eat their meals with such enthusiasm and delight, listen to their jokes and games, ahhh its going to be a dreadful day the day I have to say goodbye. But I knew this from the moment I met them. 

I wanted to talk a little bit about the food here. Firstly, carbohydrates are a big source in peoples' diets because they keep people feeling full and they are so readily available in so many different forms. They eat pate, which is cooked maize (corn) powder, rice, white beans, bean cakes, couscous, yams, spaghetti, fried dough, plantain, and bread. They always have a delicious sauce to accompany the carbohydrate that is made of either palm oil, gumbo, peanut oil, spinach, ademe leaves, pieces of dried or smoked fish, pieces of dried or smoked chicken, pieces of cow meat (even things like cow skin, which frankly is revolting). They also eat eggs and have fresh produce like tomatoes, avocados, peanuts, onions, carrots, lettuce, mangos, bananas, coconuts, oranges, limes, apples, pineapples, ginger, garlic, and potatoes. In the beginning I was wary about eating certain things, but as my confidence grew (along with my hunger) I tried more and more things and now I'll eat anything without a worry. I find its better to taste and try instead of living in fear of getting sick. So far I have not been sick from the food (knock on wood) and I have enjoyed the food here tremendously. I miss certain things but I definitely have acquired a liking for African style food. They use a spice here called piment which they add to everything and is delicious. It is a hot pepper and  people who like spicy food, would love piment. 

Next week a new volunteer arrives and I will be living in the volunteer apartment again with her. I am going with Brownie to pick her up from Porto Novo, the capital of Benin, which I am excited about because Brownie told me it is a beautiful city. Next week is my last week here :( but I am happy that I will get to meet the volunteer and help her out just like how Matt did when I first arrived here. 

 A la semaine prochaine! ♥

Decisions Are Made & Lives Are Changed

Dear Readers,

I have made a decision regarding the laptop that was kindly donated to my fundraiser and my decision is to give it to my professor rather than to the orphanage. I have contacted the generous individual who donated the computer to see if that was okay with them and they said that it was up to me and that I am here and can make the best judgement. The reasons for my decision are the following: 1. There are 50+ children at the orphanage who are all more or less the ages from 5 to 10 who would not and could not share one computer equally. I know that it would not be used to its full potential and that it could very well become the head boy or the directors personal computer or just be placed inside the orphanage collecting dust. 2. I know that my professor would use the computer to its full potential. He is a professor after all and it would help him with his lessons, his work in general and he can teach his students and his children how to use the computer. So for these two, very good, reasons I have given the professor the computer. One could not imagine the look on his face when I presented it to him. His jaw dropped and he was speechless. It was one of the many amazing moments I've had here in Benin. He kept saying "this is MY computer!? this is MY computer!?" He said he did not know how to thank me and that this was the most generous thing anyone has ever given him. I know that if I hadn't given him the computer it would be extremely difficult for him to ever obtain one because of the miserable salaries teachers are paid here. He told me that he cannot afford any luxuries and that his income equals his expenses every month. The fact that I was able to help him out and give him something that he could truly benefit from made me incredibly happy, and I wanted to share his and my happiness and gratitude with the person who donated the computer. Thank you so much. I gave the computer to the professor early this week because I wanted there to be time available so that I could help him with any inquiries. He barely knew anything on Saturday and now, Friday, he is a pro. He has tens of documents already typed up, he has downloaded course work for his students, he has uploaded pictures and videos from his camera, he has discovered that he can watch movies on it, and soon we will go to the cybercafe together so that I can help him set up his email and learn how to use the world wide web. Already I have seen that I have made the right decision and I am so happy that I waited on giving away the computer so that I could give it to the right person, and I think that I have.

After paying for all of the things I managed to bring over from Dubai, there was a leftover sum of about $200 that I have exchanged into Beninoise Franks and have given to the director of the orphanage so that he can buy necessities like wood for cooking, medicine, and food. That amount of money can go a long way here and I have built a relationship of trust with the director for I have seen how he treats the children, how he cares for them, and that he truly does love them and I feel assured that the money is in good hands. He was extremely grateful and immediately gathered all the children around to tell them that I worked on raising money in Dubai for the orphanage in Benin and that I have brought over 100,000 franks for them along with the other goods that I gave in the beginning. All the children ran up to me, bowed their heads slightly and yelled "Merci Tata Emma!" I don't think the children will ever fully know how much they mean to me. 

I have been drawing the children and my goal is to draw every single one before I leave so that I can look back and remember their faces and reminisce on the time we spent together. A few have asked me to draw a picture for them to keep and I have done that too. One day I was talking to one boy, Rudolph, who in the beginning was very shy and did not talk. One day we were sitting alone and his silence broke and he started asking me so many questions about Dubai and my family and what is it like in America. I tried to paint him a picture as best as I could with my far from perfect French, but he seemed to understand all the same. The next day when I arrived and the children greeted me, Rudolph came and held my hand for a few seconds and then walked back with the rest of the children. It was an easily missable gesture that lasted for a matter of seconds, but it was with that gesture that I knew that we had formed a connection. 

Yesterday the director of the orphanage's wife brought me a pajno, which is the traditional dress and shirt worn by the ladies in Benin. It was so kind of her, she later took me to get it tailored and at the tailors she asked me if I have visited the museum in Ouidah yet. I answered no and she said well I must take you. The museum was very interesting. It is small but manages to cover the vast history of Benin, and specifically Ouidah. Although the town is so small, the history is rich. The museum has displays and artifacts pertaining to the devastating history of the slave trade. The museum holds actual shackles that slaves had to wear around their necks, wrists, and ankles while they were transported sometimes for months by foot to the ships. The first slaves to arrive to the ships where the most unfortunate because they sometimes had to wait in the ships for months before they even started the two month journey to the Americas. So many slaves died of hunger, infections, and abuse before they even started the journey across the sea. They said that about 1/3 of slaves did not make it on the harsh journey. Men were tied down to floor boards one on top of the other where barely two inches above them lied another man. The museum had pictures of the slave boats and paintings of white and black rulers pointing down to the African slaves. I think the slave trade is by far one of the most horrific events to happen in world history. It is unfathomable to me how inhumane people can be towards others because of their greed for power and money. 

The museum also had a lot of information on the traditional voodoo beliefs. I find the beliefs and customs very interesting. During the tour, the directors wife, a devout evangelist christian, kept making remarks about how the voodoo beliefs are nonsense and how there is one God and that they don't recognize Him so their beliefs are foolish and illegitimate. I find it quite sad to think about how before all the condescending European and American conquistadors and missionaries came and enforced their beliefs on the people here, Voodooism was the only religion. Now people whose ancestors were all at one point voodoo believers look down upon their own people the same way foreigners did when they came to Africa and changed century old beliefs to suit their liking by forcing their own beliefs on people whose beliefs differed from theirs. For me religion is a personal matter. If one is religious or not it is their business and their business alone. I find it wrong to look down on people because they have different beliefs and I find it wrong to ever say someone else's beliefs are wrong when we can never really know for sure whose beliefs are right. For people here religion offers hope and that is an essential thing for humanity in general. Especially those who are less fortunate or who have a tough lot in life. (I'm not talking about less fortunate people in an economic sense, but rather, people who have had a tragedy in their lives like losing a child or battling abuse, which are, coincidentally, both common in the 11th poorest country in the world.) 

The rest of my week has been fine. I went to Cotonou with Brownie on Wednesday and did some shopping at Le Centre De L'Artisans. It has beautiful Beninoise artwork, clothing, etc. and of course I had to buy gifts and souvenirs of my trip, not that I'll ever need a physical object to remember what I have seen, experienced, and learned here. Everything is in my heart and in my mind, for what I have learned here has really resonated within me and shaped my entire persona. I've realized a sad truth and that is that most of the people that I know would benefit so much from a trip like this and yet the people who would benefit the most are the least likely to ever pursue something like this. This trip is definitely one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. 

I will leave you with this quote that being here has taught me: 

"Don't just look, observe. Don't just swallow, taste. Don't just sleep, dream. Don't just think, feel. Don't just exist, live."

A bientôt! ♥

Alexandre enjoying his breakfast :) 

 A boy was playing with my camera and accidentally took this, I love it.

 Miraculeux and I :) 

Le Centre D'Artisans 

 Shackles the slaves were forced to wear

 Laundry Time!

Hello, Will You Marry Me? Oh And What's Your Name?

Dear Readers,

Every week I am here I love it more and more. If someone was to tell me that I would feel this way 1 month ago I would not have believed them. Once I got past certain discomforts and stopped focusing on how I felt and started focusing on the purpose of my trip I realized that life here is wonderfully liberating. I love that I am removed from technology and the constant media and advertisements that are in your face 24/7. I love how I have been able to focus my time on embracing my trip. Instead of browsing the internet other than once a week, (facebook stalking and youtube watching) I have been drawing the children at the orphanage, practicing my French, and sitting on my balcony watching the small events of the day take place, such as a woman wrapping her baby up on her back and filling her head tray with food that she plans to sell. I have been reading so much too. I managed to finish a novel in one day. I have been reflecting about many things and I love how freeing it is. Without the constant distractions you seem to notice what is going on around you and appreciate where you are and who you are with.  Of course, I miss so many aspects about my home, but each day I am finding more and more things that I will miss when I go back home. Even the aspect of being alone has stopped bothering me. I have learned to be entertained with my own thoughts and in a way I think it is a healthy thing to be alone sometimes. Plus the children at the orphanage fill the lonely gap. The other day a little girl, Guinelle, told me that when I leave she wants to come with me. I almost burst into tears right in front of her. I told her me too and kissed her on the cheek. Leaving them will possibly be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I will miss them terribly and not a day could go by without me wondering about them. I truly love them so much.

A slightly embarrassing thing happened the other day, I was playing with a boy, chasing him around and I slipped and fell so hard, a proper wipe out. Everyone had seen and they were dead quiet until I burst out laughing so hard that I couldn't stop and immediately everyone burst out into laughter too. I was embarrassed but I tried to play it cool and I know that they were laughing with me and not at me, at least thats what I like to think! haha!

I wrote this entry into my journal when I was at the orphanage and as I was writing it the director's wife's brother  was standing right over my shoulder watching me write and it was slightly uncomfortable but I tried my best to ignore it. I realized that the culture here is very different in the sense that people don't seem to have the same concept about personal space as people do in the Arab world, Europe, and especially America, but I try not to get offended and I try to keep my mind open that that is how people are here and that is what is normal for them. Another example of the difference in culture is when I am buying food or phone credit and I give a bill that requires change, especially if  I am buying from a man, he won't give me the change until he has received an answer on whether or not I will share my phone number or whether or not I am married and if I want to be his wife. I find it so odd how serious they are when they ask because how could a marriage proposal on the streets by a complete stranger ever be taken seriously? I always say I am married because the hassle of explaining to them that I am happily in love and have zero interest in them just becomes such a nuisance and they don't seem to understand why that would be a reason for me to decline their proposals. 

My professor is another person I will miss terribly. He is such a kind and giving person and I don't think of him as only a professor but also as a friend. We have spoken about so many subjects and have gotten to know each others opinions on a huge range of things. I told him that I have never seen an African production before and the next day he told me that he bought tickets for us to go see a Beninoise play. His thoughtfulness is something very few people have in this world. The play was based in Burkina Faso and it was about a society ruled by the police and military where people don't have any freedom to be individuals. The French was a little too fast for me to follow completely but the professor explained everything to me afterwards. Nevertheless, it was a special treat and I am so fortunate to have met people here who care about me just as much as I care about them. He makes me feel safe by making sure the doors are locked before he leaves and he sometimes calls to see if I am alright. He gave me the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me before. But first let me explain why this touched me so much. He explained how close he was to his daughter and how their connection is stronger than the connection between him and his son. He told me how she sticks up for him when he has an argument with her mother and that she is truly daddy's little girl. He absolutely adores his daughter and one evening when we had discussed our views about relationships and the roles of women and men he told me that he hopes when his daughter grows up she will be like me. It was one of the kindest most genuine things anyone has ever told me and I felt so happy to know that I have become such good friends with this man. 

I know that I have met people here that will remain life long friends and who I will remember and think of with the fondest of memories.

That's all for now!

   À tout à l'heure ! ♥

 "I am a woman and I have the same rights as men" - Damn straight! Love it. 

 The orphanage 

♥ Guinelle ♥ 

 Cotonou

 Beninoise Spectacle!  

Cutie :)

Ahh... The Simple Things in Life

Bonsoir Tout Le Monde!

I've been here for three weeks now. The first two were definitely the hardest. Getting used to life here was  a big challenge at first because there are so many things that I am not used such as the no escape from the heat and humidity and consequently always feeling hot and sticky, getting stared at and shouted at by strangers on the street, being alone a lot of the time, not understanding what people are saying, and the list goes on. However, I have found that I have become quite independent and self-sufficient. After this trip going to university in the Fall will be a piece of cake, except for the fact that I will still miss my family, no trip, no matter how difficult, could ever make me not miss my family. My work at the orphanage is strenuous at times but rewarding all the same. Preparing maize is an extremely lengthy and tiresome process. I help with that a lot by cleaning the maize from the powder and insects, picking out the broken or discoloured kernels and carrying the maize on my head like a true local from one place to another. I also help wash the children's clothing, which is not an easy task because by the time the clothes are washed they are absolutely filthy and it doesn't help that everything here is done the old fashioned way, there is no running water, so all the water they use is extracted from a well. The well supplies them with all the water they need for everything; they wash their clothes, dishes, and themselves by hand and they also drink the water. It is perfectly clean, it just makes me realize how much I used to take running water for granted before I came to Benin. It is something that should be highly appreciated because without it performing simple tasks suddenly become a million times more difficult. 

In terms of being self sufficient, I do everything myself. I am alone in the volunteer apartment, Matt has left, and so I have to buy all of my own food, prepare it, eat alone (which I must say I'm not a huge fan of) and wash up after. I do pretty much everything alone and have to face power cuts and horrifying insects on my own. I guess you could say it is a character building experience and I guess that is true because it really makes me grow up and learn to face things alone. The first night I was alone there was a power cut in all of Ouidah, (unfortunately they have been happening more frequently in the past few days) it was like a test from above, seeing if I could shower, make something to eat and survive the night with no light or fan! Thank God I packed a flashlight, to all of you future volunteers reading this, make sure you pack a flashlight, I don't know what I would do without it during one of the evening power cuts. 

To pass the time when I am alone at the house I read (I'm reading an amazing book right now its called "The Book of Negroes" by Lawrence Hill. I strongly recommend it to future volunteers or to anyone who has an interest in learning about the slave trade, I can't put it down) or write in my journal, or watch a movie on my laptop. Luckily, I am so exhausted by the time that I get home that I just shower, eat, and fall asleep. I've gone to bed here as early as 8:30! Something I would never do back home. I have my French lessons everyday now because my French teacher has a function from April 6th to the 20th and so to make up for the lost time I have switched to an intensive programme. I'll have my morning lessons Wednesday and Saturday and evening classes 7-9 all the remaining days. I like my teacher and I'm actually happy that I will have my lessons with him during the time that is usually the loneliest. My last class we had an interesting conversation about the differences between the sexes here. He explained that if a woman is unfaithful to her husband she is forced to leave her entire family, but if a man is unfaithful to his wife it goes unnoticed. OH how annoyed things like this make me! But women here have a strength, I can see it in Antoinette, the woman who works and cares for the children at the orphanage, Roukeya, the housekeeper who is gentle and strong all in the same smile, and in the women who work and sell food on the streets. They have strength in their eyes and despite all of the cruelties and injustices they keep there heads up and their babies on their backs. Antoinette does not have a single day off, she works all morning and afternoon in the orphanage preparing food and maize and then from 4 to 10 she has an apprenticeship at a pharmacy because she is learning to become a pharmacist (which is a very respected job here in Ouidah). I don't think it is fair that she works all day everyday. I hope that when she becomes a pharmacist she will have a less stressful schedule. In general people here work SO hard, they never stop, especially the women. I think it's because people here work for their survival. A day of not working would equal a day of no food, luxuries are definitely not the issue here. 

I think that people who live in countries like the UAE, UK, America, etc. get lost in a world of materialism and trivial things because they are convinced that is what will make them happy, but Benin has taught me otherwise. People here are so happy with the simplicity of their lives and its actually a beautiful thing. I love how people live here, they appreciate the little that they have, they are hardworking but have the time to sit back and enjoy the simple things in life. In first and second world countries people have so much in comparison to people here but they don't have the mind to enjoy it, everyone is wound up so tightly with the stress of meeting standards, making money, and climbing up the economic scale. For example, in a lot of first and second world countries, the elderly are disregarded as a cost to society because they are not as capable, they don't make as much money, etc, etc. Whereas here the elderly are of the utmost importance and are very highly respected. I have found that here I have met people and talked to people that I would have possibly disregarded in a place like Dubai, and from these people I have learned so so much. Here, everyone has their purpose in life and having family around, food to eat, water to drink and a place to sleep is the formula for a happy life. "Easy life" as one of my Rastafari friends, Gomez, would say. I think after returning to my home after my stay here for two months I will have a culture shock equal to the one I had when I came here. I can see it now, my boredom with the constant talk about material things and new this and new that. It's not to say that I'm becoming a hippie, but I can really say Benin has changed a lot about the way I used to think, for the better.

A Bientot!

 My professor and I 

 Brownie and I <3

 My friend Olivie's artwork

 Baby Alexandre taking a nap 

A typical lunch for the kids at the orphanage (pate, gumbo in a sauce)

Some Days Are Better Than Others...

Dear Readers,

Okay, where do I start? I know it's been a while since my last post but its because I haven't been able to make it to the cybercafe this week. On Sunday I went to Brownie's house for lunch which was nice and then Matt and I went to the gate of no return and I got to take some pictures of it. It is right next to the beach which is beautiful but unfortunately it is extremely dangerous to swim in the sea here because the current is so strong. Brownie told me that a father and son died because they drowned in the rip tide. The gate of no return (as I mentioned in one of my previous posts) is the gate that the slaves would exit through to go to the States. It's so cool to be able to see historical landmarks like this after studying about the slave trade for years in school. 

Monday was probably the worst/toughest day for me here so far. The director of the orphanage told me to escort the kids to their school and go with them to their class and so I did. When I got there one of the teachers was talking to me and she brought me to a class and left me inside. I was so confused I had no idea what to do. I then realized that I was expected to teach all 40 of these children on my own for 5 hours. I couldn't believe that I was expected to do that. I had no plan and no idea what to teach them. The children were from the ages of 5 to 8 and so they were extremely rowdy and did not listen. The moment the teacher left they started to jump on the tables, they were hitting each other, it was chaos. I tried to write some simple math equations on the board and maybe 3 girls listened to me and the rest were out of control.  The worst part is still to come. At certain points in the morning the teacher would come and see how the kids were behaving. The teacher grabbed a little girl and started to whack her with a wooden stick, and these hits were very strong they weren't just a light tap.The little girl's cries and screams from the pain and anguish were enough to break my heart. She later came back with a small whip and whipped two small boys on the back several times. The whole day I wanted to scream and cry. In Benin it is acceptable in the culture to hit children as a form of punishment and upbringing, its something that I am not used to and I strongly disagree with, but who am I to say anything, who am I to tell them they are wrong? 

However, there was not a chance that I would be able to do that everyday for 8 hours a day. I am not a certified teacher nor do I speak French very well nor did I come to Benin to be a teacher. I told Brownie what happened and she was shocked and said that she can hardly control the kids that she teaches and she has been teaching for 40 years. So imagine what a naive 18 year old girl who has absolutely no experience with teaching would look like in front of a class of wild, little children. Luckily, I spoke to my orphanage director and explained that I could not do the job and would prefer one that is in the orphanage with only the orphanage children. We figured out a schedule where I will be caring for the baby while the other kids are at school, I will help cook and prepare meals and clean, I will walk them to and from school and spend time with them in between their classes. The director was very kind and understood and I am SO relieved because I would not have been able to live in Benin for much longer under the former schedule I had.

Whenever I walk to and from the orphanage I have not failed to hear the famous "Yovo Yovo Bonsoir" song. Only little kids sing the song but adults yell out "Yovo" when I walk by. Yovo literally means 'person who lives well'. I asked my teacher if kids would call a black person Yovo if they seemed wealthy, he said no they only call people who are white or  mulatto "Yovo". The kids always run up to me and touch my hand, it's a fascination to them that I have a different skin colour. I find one thing here a little bit rude and annoying, whenever I meet someone and talk to them for a bit they ask me what I have brought them, literally, what did you bring me. It's really uncomfortable because obviously I don't have anything for them, it's as if they think I have a bag of goodies to pass out to everyone who I meet in anticipation of meeting them. I mean I understand that people here see a white person and think that they come from a place of wealth (especially compared to Ouidah) but I still find it annoying when they ask me that. 

However, the rest of the week was pleasant. I went to the orphanage each day and helped the older girl prepare the children's lunch. They eat a lot of 'pate' which is maize (corn kernels) crunched down to a powder and then cooked. It looks like a big heap of white goo. They also eat 'gumbo' which is okra, and rice. They kill a chicken or a rabbit each day (they have a chicken coup and several cages with wild rabbits at the orphanage) I watched two children butcher the chicken. It was honestly so gross but it is what everyone who eats chicken eats, and I think being able to see that and know how your food is prepared is important. However, they share one skinny chicken among 50+ children, which is hardly any meat at all. The children take a high dosage iron pill after lunch so that they don't become anemic. Protein is a sparsely available food here because it is expensive and it is hard for people to preserve it because most people don't have a refrigerator. 

 I also took care of Alexandre, the baby. He is so adorable I cannot even describe! He calls me "Tata" which means aunty, but thats all he can really say. He'll point to something with a lot of excitement and say "Tata! Tata! oh! oh!" All of the kids are amazing. They are so kind and they help with everything. They all help perform chores in the orphanage, they take care of each other, and they are so well behaved. They always come and say hello when they get back from school and they appreciate everything that they are given. The director wants to slowly give the children all the things I brought so that it's not so overwhelming. Yesterday he gave me the towels to give them and I got a picture of all of them. I helped them sew their names on each towel so that they can recognize whose is whose. I have days that are harder than others. Sometimes I feel a bit low but whenever I go to the orphanage the children really cheer me up. Just seeing them and watching how they play or helping them with something reminds me why I am here. 

On Wednesday night my french teacher invited Matt and I to his house for dinner. He is such a nice man and the dinner was amazing. His wife prepared rice with beans and fish, mmm it was so delicious and whenever I have the opportunity to have meat or fish I get so happy. It's crazy to think that I am feeling this way but it is true, it just makes me appreciate the food that is so readily available to me back home. My diet mainly consists of pineapples, tomatoes, avocados, onions, eggs, beans, couscous, and bread. There is not a big variety here and getting meat is not an easy thing. I try to eat meat if I go to a 'restaurant' or on Sundays at Brownies house. But usually I get my protein from a boiled egg or a can of beans. 

Oh one more thing! There was a power out in all of Ouidah on Wednesday night and they are quite common here. Thankfully it only lasted for a couple of hours but my french teacher told me they can last up to a few days. I hope that this does not happen because I can't imagine not sleeping with the fan on. I already sweat non-stop here because of how hot, sticky, and humid it is, and without the fan it would just be torture. I have to change my shirt three times a day and shower at least twice a day. I miss the feeling of being clean, but it's something I have gotten more and more used to as the days go by.

That's all for now! 

Bisous 

" LA PORTE DU NONRETOUR"

The School

Maze before it becomes pate

A Cotonou!

Dear Readers,

On Thursday, I had a nice and productive day. When the days are full of things to do time passes faster and the pangs of loneliness and boredom don't sting so much. At the orphanage I was helping the kids learn some basic English greetings like 'Good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night' and when I came back at 4 o'clock they all greeted me with "Good Afternoon!" They are so sweet and welcoming. Just being around them makes me so happy. On Friday I went to Cotonou (about an hour drive from Ouidah), which is the big city in the South of Benin. To be quite honest it is really a disgusting city. It is flooding with people, the streets are dirty and the poverty level is even more pronounced. I accompanied Brownie on her every two week grocery trip. She goes to Cotonou to buy her groceries because there is a much larger variety of food and super markets. There are Indian, Lebanese, and local supermarkets and we went to about five in total. I was able to buy some groceries such as yoghurt, soya milk, muesli, and instant soup. These are just in case I am unable to buy dinner or lunch in Ouidah, which has happened before.

Yesterday I went to the orphanage to speak to the director so that we could devise a schedule for next week. There was a strike for the teachers because they were unhappy with there pay and therefore classes were cut down from five times a week to twice a week. However, one of the labour unions has resumed teaching and so my schedule at the orphanage is a little bit different. I will go to the orphanage on Mondays through Fridays at 7 am and attend class with them until 12. I will then go home for lunch and return to the orphanage at 2 until 5:30 where I will accompany them to there evening classes and spend time with them beforehand. In total I will be spending 8 hours a day with the children, which I am happy about because that is my purpose of being here, that is why I decided to volunteer in the first place.

Anyway that is all for now. Till next time!

Bisous

 The Prof and Matt on the balcony

Emma son! hhaha

chili peppers ;)