It's Not Goodbye, It's Au Revoir

Dear Readers,

Everybody knows that saying goodbye can be one of the hardest things one ever has to do. There are so many people who have touched me during my stay in Benin and have changed my life. Firstly the professor, Tamegnon, who has been one of the kindest people I have ever known and who has become a person who I will always stay friends with. When we were saying goodbye he had tears in his eyes. He told me that he has never met anyone like me and that from me he has learned that he wants to and can do go farther in life and use his full potential. He told me he never thought he could learn from a young person like he did from me. He told me that he knows I will go on in life to do great things, he thinks I should be a diplomat. He said the kindest things to me and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet him, talk to him and learn so much from him. I will miss him terribly. Secondly, Brownie. Her heart is so good and her mind is so wise. Anyone would miss her stories, her kindness, and her overall presence. I am so happy and grateful that I had the chance to meet her and get to know her. She made my trip that much better. Saying goodbye to her was extremely difficult, especially because two days before my departure she fell ill and had to go to the hospital and I had to say goodbye to her in the hospital. I hope and pray that she gets better soon and I hope she knows that I will be thinking of her and missing her so much. Thirdly, the director of the orphanage, Serge, and his wife who have both been so kind and so grateful for what I have been able to accomplish and help with at the orphanage. On Friday Monsieur Serge had a lunch that celebrated his sons birthday, baby Alexandre's second birthday, and a goodbye lunch for me. All the children, the director and his wife, their children, and the new volunteer, Edith, were there. We had rice with a tomato and onion sauce with piment and rabbit. Okay I know a lot of you are thinking, "You ate rabbit!?" and It's actually funny because I remember I had a conversation with Matt, the volunteer who was here when I first arrived, about how I would never eat rabbit. Never say never right? Now, 8 weeks later, I'm writing to you about how I ate rabbit and actually enjoyed it.  Being here has taught me to embrace the place I am in and experience everything to the fullest. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do!" It doesn't mean I have to like everything but at least I can say I tried, and in this case, I did like it! Plus, rabbit is a common dish in many parts of the world! Anyway the lunch was so nice and I'm really happy to be able to say that I formed a really decent relationship with the director. I know that my work and help for the orphanage will not stop after this trip, pas de tout. I will always continue raising money or even setting up an organization no matter where I am. The future has a lot in store and going to Barnard next year gives me a huge amount of opportunity to continue my work and possibly even expand to other orphanages in other places. Already my old high school, Dubai American Academy, has kindly raised money while I was in Benin, without me even knowing, which I will send to the orphanage once I am back in Dubai. 

Fourthly, I will miss the people I have met around Ouidah. One elderly man in particular, whom I pass everyday on my way home from the orphanage. He always asked me how my day was and "Tu a fait un peu?" which literally means have you done a little? which really means have you had a productive day? I sometimes stop to talk to him and I told him about how I live in Dubai and that I am working at the orphanage for 2 months. He asked me for my address and he gave me his. He later told me how much he loved seeing me wear the African dress and that it was so beautiful. He asked if I could give him a picture of me wearing it so that he can always remember the kind white girl who walked by him every single day.  We also exchanged phone numbers and told me to call him if I ever came back to Benin (which I know now is something that has to happen) so that he can take me around different places in Benin. He told me to bring my mom the next time I come so that he can meet her and show me and her the North of Benin which is more mountainous and desert like, (a bit like home for me). People like him made me feel at home in Ouidah. I got to know so many people on the way to the orphanage; the kind old lady who always sits outside her shop and has a smile that could light up the darkest room, the nice plump lady who sells me tomatoes, onions, and avocados. The small lady with 5 children who has the ripest, most delicious pineapples I have ever eaten, and the list goes on. I will miss all of these people who made living here feel familiar and safe, like I belong. The people you meet on a trip like this makes all the difference. I was telling Edith about the first time I walked to the orphanage when the crowded, crazy Marche Kpasse was open and how horrible I felt because everyone treated me like I was a complete alien. They yelled things at me, called me "Yovo," told me to come, hissed, made kissing noises, and stared at me. I think the combination of being white and being a young girl made it that much worse. I'm sure an older man wouldn't have had the same experience. Ah! it was horrible! But by the end, everyone had gotten used to seeing me, and many even knew me by name. Yes i still got the occasional "Yovo", but it wasn't nearly as intense as it was 8 weeks ago. I wish that seeing white people was more of a norm in Ouidah, but it is a small town that really doesn't get too many foreign vacationers… I've seen a total of about 5 white people in the last two months, and I've caught myself staring at them the same way people stare at me, so I understand. 

On Friday Edith and I cooked together. Well, really she cooked and I helped her. We made Eba (which is similar to pate but made from cassava instead of maize), okra sauce with spinach leaves, piment, palm oil, and onions. It was delicious. She is from Nigeria so she is already accustomed to the way life is here. She knows the food and she doesn't stand out the way a 'Yovo' like me does. She doesn't speak French though, so I help her with that, but she has lessons everyday like how I had with the wonderful professor Tamegnon, and soon enough she'll be able to speak like how I can now. She is very nice and I love hearing about her life in Nigeria. She speaks pigeon English as well as normal English which is really simplified English where the sentences are in different orders. It's hard to understand but its a legitimate language that people speak in Nigera. Her father even wrote a book about it. The only other country she's been to is the UAE, Dubai! I couldn't believe the coincidence. We already have so much in common and yet we are from completely different worlds. She's from the South of Nigeria and I told her that my stepdad is from the Igbo tribe in the East and she told me so many jokes about the Igbo people that I cant wait to make fun of him about :) hahah! I'm glad I had the chance to meet her, even though it was only for a short while. Everyone I meet and get to know here makes my trip more interesting and illuminating. 

Last and most definitely not least, the children. AH I wish I had the words to describe how much these children mean to me. I love them like they were my own. If I was 10 years older I would adopt every single one of them. They are beautiful and amazing and leaving them has tore me apart. This is why I know that I will be coming back here one day without a doubt. My stepdad travels to his country, Nigeria, frequently and it is, fortunately,  next door to Benin. Coming here again is not only possible, its guaranteed. These children have touched my heart in a way that nobody ever has before. The other day the director was telling the children how Saturday is my last day with them and I burst into tears. I couldn't help it. And on Saturday I felt a pain that I have never experienced before. I was with the children all day from early morning to late evening and as hard as I tried not to, I had tears in my eyes the entire day. When the time came to finally say goodbye the children started to sing to me and I broke down. Eventually the singing became cries of sorrow and everyone was sobbing. The director told me that I mean so much to the kids. He told me that they are used to people coming for 2-3 weeks, but me being there every single day for two months has made us SO attached to each other. There was one girl who was cold and indifferent to me in the beginning, but by the end she was one of the ones who were crying the hardest. They were all kissing me and holding on to me. Ah, writing about this devastating day is bringing me to tears. I wish I could better describe the emotion and the intensity that I felt that day. By the time I left the orphanage it was dark outside and three of the older boys came with me to walk me home. One of them told me that it was the first time ever that every single child cried when a volunteer left. I was touched to know that these children may love me as much as I adore them. They are in my heart forever, they are my family, and thats why returning is a must, because not returning would be like asking someone never to see their family again. 

This trip is by far the most amazing experience of my life. I have grown up so much being in Benin. Although there were many difficult times, there were even more rewarding times. I know now that I can be completely self sufficient and that I can survive and pull myself through the most extreme of circumstances. Edith told me that she was shocked that I was in Benin for 2 months, part of the time completely alone, and that I am only 18 years old. She is 27 so to her I'm still a kid. But being in Benin has really made me transform from an adolescent to an adult. As corny as that sounds, I have learned life lessons here that many learn much much later in life and some not even at all. I see how fortunate I am to have everything that I do have; countless opportunities, a future, and a loving family. I have learned to appreciate things that previously I wouldn't have given a second thought. My heart is full with life and love because of the people I have met and grown to love. This trip will be something that will stay in my heart forever because in undergoing this journey I have learned the true meaning of sacrifice and self realization.  Without a doubt, being in Benin was the most astounding, amazing, unbelievable, stunning, and incredible experience in my life. 

I wanted to give a final thanks to everyone who has helped my fundraiser and who has made the things I have done for the children possible. I also want to thank everyone who has been reading my blog and supporting me throughout my journey. My blog is a just a summary of everything I have experienced and felt but I am glad that it has given me the opportunity to communicate this wonderful experience to people who would have otherwise not known about it. 

I love you Benin, my home away from home. ♥ 

 The Charming School Brownie teaches English at 

  

Edith eating the meal we made

Me making Eba

♥